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Letting go and embracing the new me!

I'm a Right below-knee amputee and this is my story

My name is Lauren Malinowitzer and I'm 37 years old. I'm a Right below-knee amputee and this is my story. "Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go." Hermann Hesse... While reading this quote, I was immediately brought back to the moment the word "Amputation" was spoken. I was sitting on the exam table when the doctor came in. He shook my hand and said, "I looked at your images and it's really not good". I thought to myself "Well that's something I had already known". My father was sitting across from me in the chair. I said, "so what are my options to fix this at this point". He looked at me with a face I'll never forget. Then he said, "I'm sorry to say this but amputation is your choice". I remember so vividly the sound of my own heartbeat. It's as if I heard the exact moment my heart broke. I remember a feeling of intense heat covering my entire body temperature. The feeling of absolute terror and panic was now all I could feel. Amputation meant I'd be permanently disfigured and disabled. I looked across at my father and there he was with tears in his eyes. The Doctor held my hand and said how sorry he was to have to inform me of this. The doctor left the room and the tears were endless.

My father made appointments for an array of different specialties. The second, third and fourth opinions went the same way. You'll need to "Amputate" your leg in order to ever walk again or have a quality of life. I have to lose my leg because of a surgery that was wrong. Where is the logic in all of this? How did this happen to me? I couldn't understand for the life of me how this was my option.

The weeks began to pass and a decision needed to be made. I obviously was the only one who could make this decision. I began to tell myself that I could do this. That I was strong enough to let go of what was holding me hostage. That even though my heart was breaking at the thought, this was my only chance at life. I scheduled my surgery for September 9th, 2019.

Embracing my new stride!

I'm coming up on 7 months since my amputation. Not every day is easy. Nothing in my life is the same. I endure phantom pains every single day. Everything requires thought and planning. I'm an amputee now and I'm figuring it all out. Each day I learn a little more. Letting go of my leg has allowed me to find my new stride. It's a different stride but it's mine. God never gives us anything we can't handle! Follow my journey at https://www.facebook.com/pg/crpsamputeewarrior/posts/

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